Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
