And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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