this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
