i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
