He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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