Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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