woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
