I wish I could punch you in the face.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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