marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
