I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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