No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
