is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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