You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
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How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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