you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
