i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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