I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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