I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
