just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
