Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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