im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
