I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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