I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.