True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up