u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night