Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.