the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
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I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"