the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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