He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
