the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
