It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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