My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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