your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
