What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
