are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Couch. On fire.
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