Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
