I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
