Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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