i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it because I queefed?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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