You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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