Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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