I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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