Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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