Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
