Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
