hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
