So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
