Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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