Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
