I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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