she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
