dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize