and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
