I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
