we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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