u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
