She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
