We got so high we made milksteak
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
