he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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