remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
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My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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