How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
