He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
