He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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