She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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