I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
