THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
