i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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