I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
