Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
