i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
