dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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