We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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