My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
