one two three fourrrrnication!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
